Amy’s Story

For years, I’ve felt like something wasn’t quite right. But it took me nearly a decade before I recognized that there was something else going on, beneath the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. I always refuted my depression growing up, because I wasn’t sad “all the time,” so I must be faking it. It wasn’t until I graduated high school that I realized that depression isn’t simply feeling sad all the time. For me, it looked like waves of the ocean. I’d be fine for days or weeks at a time, living my life, enjoying it as much as I could. Randomly, I’d fall deep, feeling like a complete and total waste of space, waste of life. I’d believe the little voice that said I was worthless and that no one truly cared what happened to me. The most painful part was the idea that maybe this world wouldn’t even notice if I just stopped existing. After some time here, I’d be back to what was normal for me. I wasn’t truly happy, though, even when I was experiencing a high point.

Recently, I’ve come to realize that I am solely responsible for the experience that I have on this earth, and that relying on others to make me feel worthy, to make me feel whole, is a mistake. I still struggle sometimes, but I’ve learned more about myself in the last few weeks than my entire adolescence. I’ve come to know that the more I forgive myself and choose to move through my trauma, the more likely I am to experience an inner happiness that is unchanged by that little voice telling me I’m unloved and unworthy.

“I’ve come to know that the more I forgive myself and choose to move through my trauma, the more likely I am to experience an inner happiness that is unchanged by that little voice telling me I’m unloved and unworthy.”